25 July 11

Malloreigh and Kaylie came by for dinner and Jeff and I made this sun-dried tomato pesto sauce with portobello mushrooms, yellow zucchini, asparagus, and peppers. We drank several bottles of wine and chatted until it got late.

R.I.P. L.A. Banks

~From Tor.com



Several authors have reported today that Paranormal Fantasy author L.A. Banks has just passed away. Banks had been fighting a battle with cancer for some time, one that she tragically lost today. Banks was known to the science fiction and fantasy community primarily for her Crimson Moon werewolf series as well as The Vampire Huntress Legend series. Under a variety of pen names, L.A. Banks also wrote in several other genres including crime, thriller, and romance.



L.A. Banks was a witty, upbeat author who brought energetic and strong sensibilities to her work. The fields of SFF and her fans will miss her deeply.

Oh. My. God.

I totally stole this from Pat's Fantasy Hotlist but it begs to be mocked.



In case you weren't already aware, Tyra Banks, the model known for bringing the crazy on a daytime television show and a pseudo-reality show based on modeling, has decided she needs more mediums to corrupt and now styled herself a fantasy writer. I wish I was kidding. Her book, Modelland, due to hit stores this September, is described as follows:

No one gets in without being asked. And with her untamable hair, large forehead, and gawky body, Tookie De La Crème isn’t expecting an invitation. Modelland—the exclusive, mysterious place on top of the mountain—never dares to make an appearance in her dreams.

But someone has plans for Tookie. Before she can blink her mismatched eyes, Tookie finds herself in the very place every girl in the world obsesses about. And three unlikely girls have joined her.

Only seven extraordinary young women become Intoxibellas each year. Famous. Worshipped. Magical. What happens to those who don’t make it? Well, no one really speaks of that. Some things are better left unsaid.

Thrown into a world where she doesn’t seem to belong, Tookie glimpses a future that could be hers—if she survives the beastly Catwalk Corridor and terrifying Thigh-High Boot Camp. Or could it? Dark rumors like silken threads swirl around the question of why Tookie and her new friends were selected . . . and the shadows around Modelland hide sinister secrets.

Are you ready? Modelland is waiting for you. . . .

If that wasn't enough to kill your appetite, read the following excerpt...



Thousands of girls stampeded to the square all at once. Heels clacked. Dresses swished. Hairdos wobbled. The T-DOD theme song boomed a pulsating beat.
There was one rule and one rule only: a girl must be walking in order to be chosen.

Other than that, there was no prearranged runway on which the girls could walk, so everyone created invisible ones wherever they were standing. Violence was not encouraged nor was it condemned, and some girls' parents insisted on adding martial arts training to their walking lessons in preparation for the big day. T-DOD Square was an every- man- for- himself or, more precisely, an every- girl- for- herself event.



Scores of girls marched down their own stretches of the square, paused, posed for the cameras (real and imaginary), and then turned around. Trains of walking girls intersected with others. One area behind Tookie was so crammed with street vendors, it bottlenecked into a slow, shuffling line. Some walkers had only enough space to take a few steps before they had to stop and turn. Tookie's heart went out to a young girl in a ruffled pink dress who seemed way below the unofficial thirteen- year-old age requirement. She marched in place as if she were on a drill team.



Riiiip. A girl stepped on the train of a walker a few feet from Tookie and tore the fabric right off the dress. Both girls fell forward into a heap. The walkers behind them stepped over their bodies and continued.



Crash. The De La Crème white and cream blow-up tent went down as two brawling girls entered it. Oof. A girl who looked as if she had never walked in heels before stumbled, breaking the tips of both stilettos. Two girls got into a fight at the end of their makeshift catwalk, rolling to the ground. "Kenya, use the Gyaku Zuki move!" her mother screamed. "Reverse- punch the hairy hag! But watch your hair, sweetie!"



Tookie wheeled around. The hairy hag was Abigail Goode, sideburns in full glory, faint mustache above her upper lip, unshaven leg hair coating her calves, underarm hair swaying in the wind, and a DOWN WITH RAZORS! picket sign still in her hands. The girl she was fighting with tried out a karate move on her, but Abigail expertly evaded her blow.



Tookie's jealousy meter skyrocketed. Even Abigail was competing? She looked around some more. Actually, not only were eligible girls walking, but lots of other people were too. An elderly man on a power scooter shot a gap- toothed smile to the crowd as he steered his vehicle with his hands on his hips. Two down- ontheir-luck women dressed in trash- bag dresses and beat-up sweat suits walked while pushing everything they owned in shopping carts, heckling every girl who passed. "Honey, you wish you had it like I do." "Get back, spring chickens age before beauty, ladies!" Tookie chuckled when she noticed that even some of the protesters ditched their RUN AWAY, DON'T WALK signs and sashayed energetically while chanting, "Women, let's walk! Smile for the cams! T-DOD, it rocks. Crank the music, let's jam!"



A few drunken boys from outside the gates got into the action, strutting next to the girls in exaggerated, long- legged lopes. One guy snaked an arm around a girl's waist, but she swatted him away. The photographers and cameramen scrambled to catch every moment, projecting various images onto the screens next to the stage.



Thump, thump, thump. The music beat on. The largest screen showed the remaining time left for walking. Twelve minutes, twenty seconds.



"Go, Myrracle, go!" Mrs. De La Crème shouted. Myrracle had staggered a few feet away from the fallen tent and was standing there staring at the melee, eyes bugged, frozen in place. "Don't freeze up! Wake up, baby. You have to do this!"



"Yeah, Myrracle. You can do this. Come on!" Tookie urged, holding her sister by her arms and staring into her eyes, trying to spark a connection. "Dance in your spirit, but not with your body," she repeated over and over. Then she turned Myrracle around, placed Myrracle's hands on her hips, and whispered in her ear: "Left, then right, then left, then right . . ."



Myrracle suddenly broke out of her trance and began to follow Tookie's instructions. Tookie jumped out of the way to watch her sister. Halfway down her imaginary runway, Myrracle began to wiggle her hips and shake her shoulders to the infectious music that swelled over the sounds of the crowd.



"Don't dance!" Mrs. De La Crème bellowed, giving Myrracle a pinch. "If you sway one more time, you'll get way worse than a little pinch! If I have to beat the last pas de bourrée out of you, I will! Now walk, walk, walk like an Intoxibella!" Myrracle snapped back to focus. Her arms swung gently. She thrust her hips forward, as she'd learned to do in hours upon hours of walking class. She reached the end of her catwalk and came face to face with Abigail Goode. Both girls vied for the same spot to pose. Myrracle stuck out her pointy elbows, bumped her hip, and shoved Abigail hard out of the space. Abigail teetered over in her high shoes, hit her head on the footrest of the old man's motorized scooter, and passed out cold.



Almost immediately a siren sounded and Tookie heard someone yell, "Girl down! Girl down!"



Follow this link for the full extract.



Jesus wept. 

24 July 11

Another hot day in the Okanagan, with an impressive nine wineries visited in the Oliver area. Unfortunately that left us no time to visit any in the Keremeos/Similkameen region. Maybe next year.

Take the Good With the Bad

Ok. So. I don't know how to do this so I'll do it quick like a band-aid

Ben and I split up and I'm really depressed and I haven't worn heels more than 3 times in the last month and I don't know what to blog about because every time I try to write a post I just get real sad and shut my computer and my life is a crazy mess and I'm a mess and I don't want to talk about it!

Ahhhhhh, much better.

Ok? So that's out of the way.

In other news... The shoe show starts tomorrow and although I'm in a little bit of a zombie state, I'm sure I'm excited somewhere in there. I'm really happy with how the Cece L'amour shoes turned out and can't wait to share some of them with you :) It's so frustrating that I can't just show you the shoes but you know, that isn't the smartest thing to put them out there before buyers buy them ;) ... so we'll wait.
You can see the 3 page ad spread in Footwear News too!! I'll post those soon.

There are also the Adrienne Maloof shoes that are SUPER sexy and fantastic! Hopefully you'll get to see some of our design process on the new season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills!!

Bebe looks really good- I'm really happy with that and I have NEWS about the glitter wedge you guys email me about like every other day. haha

They will be available in stores November at Macy's for sure and I'll get info on more stores as soon as I hear about it.

So that's what's up with me. I love you guys... thanks for your patience and support!



xoxo,

Things I Love: July 2011

Dear July,

You brought me cabin fever, tendinitis, and smallpox in a blanket more headaches than I care to remember, but you've also been so good to me, I'm almost speechless. Almost, because I still feel like I need to shout to the world, JULY BROUGHT ME SO MANY THINGS I AM THANKFUL FOR, I GOT A LITTLE WORDY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT:

• writing into the dead of night
• being shat on by a bird and buying my first Lotto ticket to celebrate my luck
  
• Buddy, the extremely friendly dog with three legs
• Billy Elliot at the Orpheum, for Lex Ishimoto (who played Billy the night I went), "WILLIAM ELLIOT... IS QUEER," dance in general, fabulous 1980s costumes, "The Letter," and watching people who are really good at what they do, because it engenders such JOY! Billy Elliot doesn't even make it onto my list of favorite musicals, but if you're near any of the tour stops and have some spending money, GO WATCH IT. THE KIDS ARE PHENOMENAL.
  

LOOK AT THIS DARLING BOY! (To Lex Ishimoto or whoever reads his online press: I'm sorry; that was probably emasculating.) I didn't even care that he totally didn't look blood-related to the actors who played his mom and dad. HE WAS FANTASTIC.

These images are totally stolen. Click through for sources.

• playing at a playground
• Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov for Lo and Humbert Humbert, you bastard, and Nabokov's ECSTATIC prose (to steal the accurate words of a reviewer). I have to say the reread was a lot more enjoyable than the first time I read it, because this time I didn't get so swoon-y over the prose that I kept rereading the same passages over and over trying to absorb it into my flesh and suck the talent out of its bones. (No, this time I just read it and kept my composure as a single tear slid down my face acknowledging the fact that I am not Vladimir Nabokov.)
• Bunnicula by James and Deborah Howe

When I was younger, I actually found this book mildly scary. Also there was a point in my life where I could not say no to any talking animal books.

• FOOD, namely... eggplant, okra, West Lake soup, pig stomach in white pepper soup (wow that sounds awful, but it's delicious), tripe, taro bao, quinoa pilaf, Alter Eco dark chocolate with quinoa!!!, Dagoba xocolatl (my first spicy chocolate!), my aunt's black sesame soup, split pea soup, bananas, raw carrots, and sweet potato fries
• Starbucks by the Orpheum for paninis and the ridiculous concentration of attractive male baristas
• Babies the documentary, because watching babies is always entertaining, and I get all teary-eyed observing language acquisition (confession: my favorite was definitely Bayar from Mongolia because LOOK AT HIS FAAAAACE)

• Bella Spenser Jessie Alice Connie Shelby
  
• Le Soleil for the spring rolls (?) and the phở (MISMATCHED ORTHOGRAPHY FOR THE WIN) because it had exceptionally good broth
• Kick-Ass, even though it was too violent for my liking and I found it strangely boring, because it was mostly redeemed by Aaron Johnson's BEAUTIFUL eyes and lips

I mean, okay, for a large part of Kick-Ass, the only parts of his face visible were his eyes and lips, but take off that mask and

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME OKAY I'M NOT THAT ATTRACTED TO YOU BUT COME ON ARE YOUR FACIAL FEATURES EVEN LEGAL IN THIS COUNTRY YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL PLEASE SIR MAY I SWIM INTO YOUR SOULFUL EYES AND REARRANGE THE ARCHITECTURAL LINES OF MY SURROUNDING NEIGHBORHOOD SO AS TO BETTER ACCENTUATE THE FLAWLESS SLOPE OF YOUR NOSE AND LAY MY INFANT TO SLEEP UPON YOUR ANGELIC LIPS MAY I

• the pilot for The Killing because while I found the pacing excruciatingly slow, it's really nice to see a female lead whose gender has no impact on the role (she's not "someone's mother" or "someone's girlfriend" or "the female investigator" - she's a parent, a partner, and an investigator. AND SHE DOESN'T NEED TO LOOK LIKE A SEXED-UP NINETIES SUPERMODEL TO DO IT.)
• electric-bright flowers
• Misfits, because despite sometimes toeing the line of cheese, it is HILARIOUS, and I like the dialogue, and Nathan Stewart-Jarrett’s ridiculous perfect face, and Antonia Thomas’s incredible face, and Robert Sheehan’s stupid perfect face and hair and eyes and foul beautiful mouth, and for Lauren Socha as Kelly

Ladies and gentlemen... Robert Sheehan as Nathan Young.



I watch Misfits for the articles.

(No, but really, Misfits is a really entertaining, completely irreverent show about beautiful young people and their shenanigans and broken lives et cetera oh and they also have strange supernatural powers, and it is very quotable, and I want to lick Robert Sheehan. (Where? In the car.) (This has been Sam: making references for her own amusement since 1990.) But seriously, watch the pilot and if it hooks you in the first ten minutes like it did me, I think you'll really enjoy the show.)

• Neutrogena’s Norwegian Formula lip balm (it's not greasy like I usually prefer, but I am so close to declaring this my Holy Grail of lip balms)
  
• Super 8 with my mama, for being very entertaining, and for Elle Fanning who emotes on cue like a boss, Joel Courtney who played the absolutely adorable lead (and whom the kid who played Albus Severus (OH GOD NAME) reminded me of), and Ryan Lee who played the explosives kid with the braces because AUGH SO ADORABLE
  

Plus, the amateur ("amateur"?) film they show during the credits is hilarious and so endearing.

• rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows because it is heavy with my childhood, and even though I have my reservations about the book as a whole, it contains my favorite moment in the entire series ("I open at the close" and the scene that follows in the Forbidden Forest)
  
• my mother for making French macaroons for fun
• the Persian poet Hafiz for "When no one is looking and I want to kiss God, I just lift my own hand to my mouth" because it sums up my worldview pretty well [via yes and yes]
  
• sparkling dew on succulents
• Billy Elliot the movie, again, for Billy, young!Jamie Bell, Billy and Michael, and MICHAEL SO MUCH
  

I feel pretty uncool for liking this movie as much as I do, but I can't not like stories about people doing things they love and are really, really good at.

• making friendship bracelets like a boss (although it led to my tendinitis...)
  
• beet chips from Whole Foods
• the sound salt makes as it’s dissolving down the drain
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II, Adam and Rebecca and Huitzi whom I met outside, Adam for being flamboyant and theater-kid-hilarious, and Rebecca for being theater-kid-friendly and open and sharing and equipped with Red Vines, my mother for encouraging me to dress up, drawing my scar on, Hermione and Ron’s totally appropriate kiss, and the way Yates has made the best standalone Harry Potter movies

Another succinct movie summary by the genius Noelle. (And can I add that instead of crying and feeling like it was the end of an era, when DH2 ended, I went home and was consumed by an itching need for fanfiction. Any fanfiction. Especially Draco Malfoy fanfiction. And Marauders fanfiction. And it was this stupid goddamn moment that spurred it because I WANT TO SEE YOUR WEAKNESSES, DRACO MALFOY, SHOW THEM TO ME how many of you just unsubscribed because I sound unhinged and Harry Potter-crazed and unfamiliar with punctuation eh eh are you judging me I see your judgey eyes)

• really good Thai food from Osha (by the Glen Park BART station)
• Japanese food from Ninki on Taraval, and that they were playing "I Just Had Sex" while we were eating
• double fishtail braids
• A Single Man because it was so beautifully shot, like every still you could possibly take of the movie could be blown up into a billboard for a fashion house, like GEEZ, TOM FORD, PUT SOMETHING UGLY IN THIS MOVIE IT'S NOT FAIR. Colin Firth was just... so very good. That one really, really long shot of just his face... is the best example I can come up with. (That was terribly-worded praise, but I mean it. I'll probably end up working my way through his filmography when I get bored of television again.) And I (haha) appreciated (hahahaha oh dear) the parts that lacked dialogue a lot (this must be my Malick fan showing) because I feel like the lack of speech lets you fill in your own/what you perceive to be the character's emotions and thoughts. Also, OH LORD, YOUNG MEN.

Okay, so here's the thing: I was trying to pick A Single Man screencaps to post, and then I realized I'd selected like 60 of them because everything was so pretty, so I tried to cut it down to the ones I really really liked (I'm down to 20), but I just ended up with a collection of gigantic images of muscular male bodies and Nicholas Hoult's face.

Not that this is a bad thing.

Also this movie is almost unbearably sexy but not in a Hot Young Men way, because the emotional undercurrent ruins that sort of sexy. It's sexy because it's like. Tension. And promise. And waiting for a climax. Like the above screencap should be sexy on principle because it's a physically stunning male body, but I find it more sexy that it's this visceral reminder of what George has lost and how logistically there should be sexual tension and sexual resolution, but there's a giant cockblock (an emotional one in this case) keeping things from... resolving. (I wish there were a different verb to use there, but all the ones I came up with sounded really sexual.)

Also this movie unearthed a Nicholas Hoult appreciation I did not know I had. (And I feel very strange saying this because the only other thing I've seen him in is About A Boy, and he was like 12 at the time. Oh wait, and X-Men: First Class, too, but I'm just not going to count that because I forgot what happened in that movie aside from Michael Fassbender's teeth and James McAvoy's eyebrows.)

BUT I MEAN COME ON. THE WORLD IS CHANGED BECAUSE YOU ARE MADE OF IVORY AND GOLD HHNNNNNNGGGGGHHHH

THE CURVES OF YOUR LIPS REWRITE HISTORY ET CETERA

MY BODY IS LIKE A HARP AND YOUR WORDS AND GESTURES ARE LIKE FINGERS RUNNING UPON THE WIRES

UGH THIS IS THE BEST KIND OF AGONY WHAT ARE CLEAN THOUGHTS

UNBEARABLE TENSION AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE I PREFER MY MEN BUILT LESS LIKE MARLON TEIXEIRA AND MORE LIKE NICHOLAS HOULT OH GOD THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE IS SEXIER THAN DAT ASS I HOPE THAT'S NOT INSULTING

oh yeah wait there are other people and other things happening in this movie. have some more tension

dat dress

I swear I tried one on that was almost identical in this little vintage shop in West Covina, but the bustline was somewhere around my shoulders (but I think I have a low bust).

Also, Kenny's shirt + sweater combo is so strange and fluffy I just want to ... well, wreck him. Devastate him in an I-wanted-to-destroy-something-beautiful way. Minus the knocked-out teeth. DEBAUCH is probably more accurate.

I actively dislike feet and I still think this is gorgeous.

Favorite little bit of this movie, hands-down.

• The Social Network again, because UNF AARON SORKIN YOUR DIALOGUE IS SO SEXY and the cadence of the characters' speech is so complicated and beautiful (especially the hallway scene! I love overlapping dialogue! People talking over each other! People talking at each other!)
  
• reading my writing out loud
• Dubliners by James Joyce, especially for "Araby" (AUGH THE NARRATOR IS MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE) and “The Dead,” for Michael Furey and Gretta Conroy and "Gabriel smiled at the three syllables she had given his surname and glanced at her."
  
• when I find writing that moves me
• rereading the beginning of Atonement, solely for Robbie/Cecilia (the emotional buildup to their library sex is. the. greatest. Shame? What is shame?)
• Captain America: The First Avenger, which was surprisingly entertaining because I tend to avoid comic book movies, for Steve Rogers, Captain America, Peggy Carter, WWII-era costumes, and the unexpected humor and emotional follow-through

IMPORTANT PRAISE: Chris Evans' acting made me so invested in Steve Rogers that I was sad when the action started.

IMPORTANT CRITICISM: He keeps his clothes on for basically the whole movie.

• my mother, who sustained a giant paper cut while buying me a Justin Bieber folder from Target (I mentioned it to her in passing as a half-joke and she bought it... but I'll probably end up using it. Although maybe not in class.)
• Sherlock Holmes (2009), because it is visually DELICIOUS, the music is delightfully mischievous (and perfect for the movie), for Rachel McAdams in suspenders (PHWOAR!), and for Robert Downey Jr.'s Holmes and Jude Law's Watson because apparently I have a weakness for almost-romantic buddy-cop partnerships

This screencap is a totally inaccurate representation of the movie, but who's complaining?

• rereading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (I've officially lost count of how many times I've read each book in the series), because it might be my favorite (I'm debating whether or not I like Sorcerer's Stone or Goblet of Fire better), because I love seeing Harry have an almost-normal life, I really, really liked Lupin when he was teaching, and I love the Marauders so hard
  
• BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE. I am so proud of my restraint and so excited that this is a mixed bag, so let's start off this smallish beautiful people roundup with
  

Emma Unrealistically Gorgeous Watson

Andrew Garfield and Carey Mulligan at a Never Let Me Go premiere looking dapper and ADORABLE-GORGEOUS

I love her dress. And her hair. And her face. But speaking of Andrew Garfield,

EMMA STONE AND ANDREW GARFIELD for The Amazing Spider-Man! I have great hopes for this movie even though it's a comic book movie because I really like watching Andrew Garfield act, and I like Emma Stone's voice and face. And I like Spider-Man more than most other superheroes.

I have always suspected (or at least, since I was eleven or twelve when I first watched The Fellowship of the Ring, I have suspected) that Liv Tyler has the best no-makeup face ever, and this picture totally proves it. Who wouldn't want to wake up to this every morning?

HOLY GRAIL OF JAMES MCAVOY PICTURES, BATMAN, I WISH I COULD REACH INTO MY COMPUTER SCREEN AND TOUCH HIS GORGEOUSLY IMPERFECT FACE.

EVERYBODY IS GORGEOUS THIS MONTH AREN'T THEY JUST WHAT A BROAD VOCABULARY YOU HAVE SAM

It was good for me, July. I hope it was good for you too.

Wantonly yours,
Samantha

Movie Review: Godzilla vs Destroyah (1995)

Godzilla, with a nuclear reactor in place of his heart, is experiencing a literal meltdown. At the same time, a creature that remained untouched for millennia is evolving rapidly thanks to the results of the Oxygen Destroyer of the original Godzilla movie. The kaiju spawn of this creature are the latest beings to terrorize Tokyo, and what's worse is that they might be the only thing standing between the Earth, and devastation at the hands of the largest nuclear explosive known to man: the King of Monsters himself.

Godzilla vs Destoroyah is unique in a lot of ways. First off, while the standard approach to the Godzilla movies for years has been reboot, vaguely related semi-sequel, reboot, reboot, this film takes into accout as much Godzilla continuity as possible. Also, it's unique in that, while the title villain has a relatively normal name (in the film he's referred to as first "Oxygen Destroyer" and then simply "Destroyer"), the title is particularly not so. It's hard to tell, was this a translational error? A copyright issue?

This film takes place directly after the events of Godzilla vs Spacegodzilla and the rest of the Heisei series, all of which are essential viewing for this film. If you haven't seen many Heisei era Godzilla movies, you may be at a loss when it comes to psychic girls (who apparently debuted as far back as Godzilla vs Biollante) who already know "Little One" (whom they start referring to as "Junior" due to his newfound resemblance to his older cousin), the Heisei version of Minilla. The Island they lived on (again, my Shōwa-centric self was confused at the name "Birth Island" rather than "Monster Island") was destroyed in a nuclear explosion, which was a direct cause of the changes in both Godzilla and his son in this film.

Additionally, this film is loaded with references to the first film. Black and white flashback scenes and dialogue references abound. The character I believe is supposed to the main character is the grandson of Dr. Yamane of the first film, whose work his family considers taboo to utilize due to its destructive capabilities. The latest scientist, whose name Wikipedia does not deem important, has expanded upon Dr. Yamane's research. He is researching the site of the original Godzilla's death- yep, that's how they manage to get all the Godzilla movies into one canon- from which the second premise of the film (the enemy) arises.

But let's get on to Godzilla himself. His very appearance screams "Buy the new toy!" I can't lie- I saw Godzilla, glowing red, arising from the ocean, and I wanted that toy. I can imagine how desperate I would have been had I seen this movie in the late 90s, when giant Power Ranger and Godzilla toys filled the isles of the department stores. But this is where it gets weird. Plot exposition wishes us to know that Godzilla does not have a conventional heart- he has a nuclear reactor. What the hell? Is he a fucking robot? But anyway, thanks to the explosion under Birth Island, Godzilla is now overheating. Somehow, this is powerful enough to destroy the world. Somehow, they pull this all off without technobabble (or at least... *looks at micro-oxygen* a very minimum of technobabble). What does this mean? It means that the science is just realistic enough to leave a guy like me scratching his head, wondering if they used a flute or a Warp Star to jump to their conclusions.

The dialogue is... well, it's a Godzilla movie. Somebody, either a translator or Kazuki Omori, looked at the screenplay and said "Nobody's going to be listening to the dialogue! It's a fucking Godzilla movie for Christ's sake!" And that's how they made the film. The dialogue runs the gammut from unbelievable to uninspired, to the required cheesy. Very few lines are delivered with any emotion whatsoever, and I'm left hoping that the original film in Japanese wasn't quite that bad. There are one or two lines delivered with some emotion- note that I didn't say "delivered well". The first example: "Ah, it's a monster!" Yes, the required cheesiness and over-the-top fear: this truly is a daikaiju genre film. Lines describing a crustaceous creature as "reptile-like" (not reptilian, reptile-like) are perfect examples of the dialogue here.

I believe the mentioned the plot exposition once before, but let me show you some more. That's right, show, don't tell. Less is more. When Godzilla is "frozen for six hours", and then the next scene starts off with "It's been several hours now", that's just poor writing. And that can't be written off as a translation error, either, unless we're translating like how Kyōryū Sentai Zyuranger was "translated" into Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, which I'm not writing off as a possibility.

But let's face it: the writer was right. You're not watching this film for the humans. You're watching it for the monsters. So let's see how those scenes panned out.

The Destroyer first appears as a microscopic creature that seems to have inherited the powers of the Oxygen Destroyer. Confused? Me too, but they're not going to explain it. You do get to see it in action, though. Next time we see them, we've got these three to four meter tall giant crustacean xenomorphs (from the Alien series, or at least, related). You get a cool scene that could be from any military zombie movie, except with monsters, but herein lies the flaw.

Um, background music? Ever heard of it? That's the sounds that play when absolutely nothing is going on, so the audience remembers the movie's still playing. For some reason, there's only any music playing when the monsters are on the sceen. No ominous, "where is it and what's going to happen" music. No, there's just the "badass monster is attacking music". True to Godzilla fame (especially one that nods so graciously to the original) the music is pretty decent- when it plays. It's nothing to write home about, but there is a huge contrast between the silent human scenes and the musical monster scenes.

The fights themselves, though, are pretty badass. You've got man with flamethrower versus little monster. You've got strangely named yet continuity fitting SX-III versus Godzilla (that's right, the military does a surprisingly good job in this one). These simply aren't badass enough, though.

That's right, it's Power Ranger time. Rita Re- I mean, some strange unexplained genetic occurance- caused all of the little Destroyers to fuse into a big one. Ever see an old-school flying monster that should have had to flap its wings, but just glided instead? That's the flying form of Destroyer- or Destoroyah. What? Flying form? That's right, this guy's like a freakin' Transformer. His standing form and flying one don't look anything alike, until he reaches his third stage.

Anyway, now it's epic fight time. No, it's not badass Nuclear Godzilla versus Destoroyah. Not yet. It's the son's turn. He's badass, too, but it's not too uneven of a fight. Picture using nuclear breath as a lightsaber, and Godzilla Junior is Obi-Wan Kenobi. That kind of badass. I'm not going to give a play by play of the rest of the fight, but suffice it to say it's a pretty fair fight, and nobody's fighting fair. Godzilla bleeds from a huge gash in his shoulder, Destoroyah coughs up gouts of blood, it's ON. The humans are keeping track of Godzilla's condition on a chart, and by his shoulder there's an announcement of "CASUALTIES". Casualties? Godzilla bled, and millions of people cried out in fear and were suddenly silenced?

The ending scene, which I really intend not to spoil, is probably one of the best scenes in all of Godzilla. If you know what I mean, you probably know there were radio announcements, the whole nine yards- three years before a smaller version of Godzilla's most famous adversary (not Ghidorah) went through the same thing (I'm trying to be vague, I refuse to spoil this scene). There's an odd moment or two, but it's really effective, leading to another flashback of the '54 Godzilla, complete with epic classic music.

If you're a Godzilla fan, you'll love this movie. If you've never picked up a Godzilla film before, this movie may be too continuity-laden to really follow, more in the vein of a TV to movie adaptation than a truly complete sequel. Godzilla vs Destoroyah is a true to form Godzilla flick, but it's also unique. Definitely worth a watch.