boobs, gaussian blur, and other things that were never an option

I wore this to go watch X-Men: First Class last summer (YEAH, WOW, HI. THIS IS A TIMELY AND RELEVANT BLOG).

This may be hard to believe, but I really liked how flat-chested this sweater made me look. (Not that I am always anti-boobs. I just felt like looking extra flat-chested that day.)


Unfortunately, I spent so much time beforehand hearing about the movie through the distortive filter that is tumblr, that by the time I actually got around to watching it, I was under the impression that it was going to be a movie about a groovy mutant and a shark who fall in love because peace was never an option.

Shoes. Thanks, Legolas John Watson.

I hope you hover over this image and take note that its filename is foot-fetishists-were-never-an-option.JPG because I am still getting hits from people Googling things like "Keds fetish."

(When Michael Fassbender as Erik appeared onscreen swimming in the dark, choppy sea, baring his teeth, I almost started laughing in the theater because I was thinking of the Jaws theme.)


As a result, when I went to take these pictures, I tried to be like Charles and mind-bend everything in sight.

Nothing happened. But at least I got the McAvoy eyebrow down.


When that failed, I tried to channel my inner Michael Fassbender shark Erik and, like, bend metal and stuff.

Nothing happened. I didn't even get my teeth visible enough. So I did some minor photo retouching.

Sweater: uncle's, hand-me-down. Light pink thermal: Old Navy, gift. Shorts: aunt's, hand-me-down. Tights: generic. Fake Keds: Payless. Magneto helmet: MS Paint. Gaussian blur: image editing prowess.

have a little priest (and... I believe in Sherlock Holmes)

Okay, so.


I'm done with #reverb11, and I don't have any Write One Leaf prompts to post, but here's an outfit I wore for the sake of trying to look terrifying and neo-Victorian (or like Tim Burton's Mrs. Lovett or something).

I'm not sure I succeeded, but it was a lot of fun because I felt terrifying.

Here's a lot of photos of me trying to look like I might bake someone into a pie.

I wish I'd had really light face powder so I could've made myself really pasty, but I never use powder and my mom's makeup is too dark for my skin color.

Also I wish I could've gotten the circles under my eyes to be more gray because I wanted to look kind of like a zombie.

Cue fingerless gloves: a style preoccupation I blame entirely on Andrew Garfield in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

Outerwear: mother's. Black top: probably Target. Vest: Esprit sample sale.  Fingerless gloves: generic + scissors. Skirt: cousin's, hand-me-down. Tights: probably Hot Topic. Oxfords: delia's.

(...And if you're here for my writing, I'm really sorry I won't have anything new for a while. I'm really preoccupied with writing fanfiction for BBC's Sherlock. No, I have never written fanfiction before, not even for Harry Potter, which is by default my biggest, oldest, and most heart-wrenchingest fandom. But something about the Best Friends aspect of John Watson and Sherlock Holmes absolutely breaks my heart, and I just want to play with all the little moments in 221B Baker Street that we don't get to see on film.)


(Oh, and in case you couldn't tell from the fact that I am writing fanfiction for it Mayday Mayday send help, I recommend Sherlock really, really hard. Especially if you like your television fast-paced, your plots clever and twisty, your leading men aloof and alien/lovable and clad in heinous jumpers, and your dialogue in a British accent.)


(To further convince you, here's a peppy!Sherlock fanvideo that is a totally inaccurate representation of what the show is like:

Fandom can, of course, be cringe-worthy, or it can be a beautiful way to bring people together. At times, the BBC Sherlock fandom is the most frightening and/or embarrassing fandom I have ever willingly taken part in (I blame Steven Moffat for thinking that a nighttime shot of John looking up with admiration at Sherlock on a rooftop with the wind blowing through his hair silhouetted against the full moon was a good shot), but I love this video SO MUCH that I claim this blog in the name of BBC Sherlock.)


(P. S. I believe in Sherlock Holmes.)

a(n edited) 2011 bumper survey

Because it actually is tradition on this blog, a nonsense end-of-the-year bumper survey. This post has no pictures, so feel free to scroll past it.


1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Watch porn in a group. Purchase and successfully use a menstrual cup. Talk about my own birth with my mom. Buy flushable toilet seat covers in bulk on Amazon. Intern at a startup. Meet someone else who’s divorced their faith tradition. Watch and fall in love with Doctor Who, Misfits, Downton Abbey, Sherlock, Archer, and Suits. Have my own room (albeit by happy accident). Put a condom on a banana. With my mouth. Eat cottage cheese. Try Russian food. Try German food. Watch a Terrence Malick film. Watch a Quentin Tarantino film. Encounter a live termite. Make friendship bracelets. Have tendinitis (have less than fully-functioning hands). Read the Hunger Games series. Fishtail braid my hair. Watch a Robert Downey Jr. film. Learn to hem properly. Eat popping boba. Color a line drawing of a vulva. Watch so much television. Sew hundred-year-old pants. Buy “interview clothes.” Be officially sorted into Ravenclaw. Enjoy a comic book movie. Be published in any capacity (see Tinsel Tokyo’s Fall ’11 issue, pp. 56 – 57 for some writing I find kind of off-putting rereading it now). Like a Stanley Kubrick film. Drink almond ginger milk tea (HNNGHH). Drive a car without panicking. Cry over a wall (see Doctor Who, Series 2, Episode 13). Participate in Script Frenzy. Photograph the roof of my mouth. Ingest so much charcoal and grape seed oil. Watch a Sofia Coppola film. Watch the Oscars from start to finish. Watch an Emma Stone movie. See so many girls/women with armpit/body hair (UNF). Watch an entire episode of SNL (the things I do for you, Eisenberg). Be summoned for jury duty. Program in Ruby. Have someone offer to be a reference for my future job search. Use CGI, Ajax, JavaScript that wasn’t copied and pasted, MySQL, SQLite, Ruby, and WordPress. Feel like a movie was a religious experience. Find my Holy Grail mascara (blinc). Receive acupuncture. Watch a movie in a theater by myself. Pay for web hosting.


2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any, so I suppose I didn’t keep them. Or I did? Anyway, yes, I do want to make resolutions for next year, because I feel like my life actually has space for them now.


3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Not close to me, but I got to see baby pictures, which is close enough!


6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Paid employment. Fuchsia corduroys. …I think that’s it.


7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
November 22nd because I had so much caffeine, everything felt like it was happening with at least twelve times the normal intensity (as I will soon relate to you in my #reverb11 response for December 17th).


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Er… I’m probably supposed to say “finishing a college degree,” but I’m going to go ahead and say “successfully using a menstrual cup.”


9. What was your biggest failure?
GIVING MYSELF TENDINITIS MAKING FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS FOR MYSELF, BECAUSE WHO DOES THAT?


10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Right after Thanksgiving was the only time I was ill this year (for which I am really thankful). I have never vomited that violently before.


11. What was the best thing you bought?
It’s a tie between paid web hosting and my MiaCup. (Or my thrifted fake fur coat. Or my thrifted Betsey Johnson dress. Or my Cole Haan Air Evan Chelsea boots. Or my ticket to watch Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy because it was the first movie I watched alone in a theater, and it was so much more enjoyable than watching with company sorry guise. I don’t know. I feel like I made a lot of good purchases this year.)


14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and tuition.


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
DreamHost + WordPress. Also, my period, between when my MiaCup order arrived and when I first tried using it.


16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I’m going to have to go with “Alright With Me” by Kris Allen just because I listened to it a lot, and it marked a kind of turning point.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
Happier, although that’s not saying much considering how my last year ended.


18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Checking in with people! I keep forgetting to! (Not like “Hey! What’s up?” but like “How are you doing? How was your day?” and listening and absorbing the response.)


19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
...Making friendship bracelets because it gave me tendinitis that I am still healing from, and I haven’t really worn them yet anyway.


24. What was your favorite TV program?
Definitely Doctor Who for the characters, but Archer and Sherlock are seriously quality television. Downton Abbey and Misfits were also really, really good.


26. What was the best book you read this year?
Small Gods. Other books I read for the first time and really liked were Good Omens, Never Let Me Go, and The Hunger Games. (YES. If you haven’t read The Hunger Games, GET ON IT before the movie comes out! It’s not amazing prose, but it’s nowhere near as poorly written as Twilight and is equally if not more addictive. The characters are pretty nice, and the world is GREAT.) I also reread a lot of books this year, and off the top of my head, the best ones were The Phantom Tollbooth and The Little Prince, but there were so (so so so) many.


27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Er… I listened to Florence + The Machine’s “Shake It Out” and Kimbra’s “Settle Down” for the first time this year.


28. What did you want and get?
A menstrual cup, Chelsea boots, a physical copy of The Grapes of Wrath, many distractions, useful classes, thoughtful classes, and warm fuzzy feelings.


29. What did you want and not get?
…To watch the American version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. That’s probably it, because there wasn’t much I wanted this year.


30. What was your favorite film of this year?
My favorite movie that came out this year (that I watched) was definitely The Tree of Life. My favorite movie that I watched this year was either The Tree of Life or The Thin Red Line, but other movies I really enjoyed were A Single Man, How to Train Your Dragon, Secretary, The Secret of Kells, Fight Club, and Zombieland.


31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I woke up, received a FutureMe email from 2009, received my Pottermore email, bought an unnecessary pair of red satin heels, and ate too much Ici ice cream on my 21st birthday. But the events of that day were mostly eclipsed by Pottermore, so.


33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
From “practical-warm-14-hours-in-the-hospital” to “intentionally cute” to “wear pants for your own safety” to “giant sweaters, tiny skirts.”


34. What kept you sane?
Movies. Tumblr fandoms. Television. Writing. Reading books. Music.


35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
As always, I’ve got a many-way tie going, this year amongst Tom Hardy, Andrew Garfield, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Carey Mulligan, Natalie Portman, Daniel Radcliffe, Benedict Cumberbatch, Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, David Tennant, Robert Downey Jr., Jane Aldridge, Jordan Reid, and Noelle Stevenson. (But to be accurate, my biggest, most time-suckingest crushes were Andrew Garfield, Jesse Eisenberg, Natalie Portman, and Jordan Reid.)


39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Life is a lot more fun when you surround yourself with only people you really like.


40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope”

advanced babbling (holiday style)

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I present to you this outfit from May (MAY!!!) as evidence of my seasonal inappropriateness.

Well, I mean, it's winter now, and this was a spring/summer outfit, but this actually looks pretty appropriate for a mild winter, aside from the florals (which I condone all season every season anyway), so you may think it's seasonally appropriate,

BUT COME ON. SERIOUSLY? This outfit is just over six months old. If it were a baby, it would probably be in the stage of its language acquisition where it starts babbling with vowels and consonants. THAT IS SOME ADVANCED BABBLING.

And so to make up for the seasonal inappropriateness of this post, I'm going to holidayify it. (Or is it spelled holideify? Verb? To make holy Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, &c. through ritual worship?)

HOLIDEIFIED WISHLIST:

• spiked hot chocolate (BEHOLD! I AM 21! I constantly forget this!) made from actual chocolate, not that powdered abomination (or else you will be excommunicated)
• this Sherlock print
• every color of Maybelline Baby Lips, just for the packaging, because CUPIDDAMN if they wouldn't make great stocking stuffers
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar sheets
• to rewatch The Tree of Life (so I can weep) and Love Actually (which made me tear up when I was like 14 but which I have no feelings about anymore except for the whole HUGH GRANT! COLIN FIRTH! ALAN RICKMAN! MARTIN FREEMAN! party. Shame? What is shame?)
• this Justin Bieber t-shirt (you may think I am joking but I am not)
• Urban Decay Super-Saturated High Gloss Lip Color
• an ugly micro-striped sweater (with bonus points for intermittent metallic stripes)

Here is another photograph because I need to fit it in this post somewhere.

Sweater: uncle's. Light blue thermal: Old Navy, gift. Floral dress: Ross. Tights: DKNY. Plaid shoes: Keds.

HOLIDEIFIED OUTFIT PHOTO (BEFORE):

HOLIDEIFIED OUTFIT PHOTO (AFTER):

I see your pastel penguins and raise you a smiling star in a Santa hat.

Here's another photo I need to fit somewhere.

Oh my Santa Claus! Plaid with florals! The heresy!

CAN YOU TELL I'M EXCITED FOR HOLIDAY SEASON?

P. S. My Shabby Apple dress giveaway ends tomorrow!

I think I got carried away, or IFB Project #2: Let's Get Poetic

This is my entry for the second installment of the IFB Project, for which the instructions were to "pick something out of your closet you love and write a haiku about it." I'm no Winona, but I couldn't resist trying. I guess I'll call the first haiku my official entry... The nine other ones that follow are just for fun.

double seagull ring,
you give a whole new meaning
to flipping the bird.

--------------------------


cheapest shoe i own —
no self-respect, just lets me
walk all over it.

--------------------------


fcuk slip:
sunny the prostitute from
catcher in the rye

--------------------------


banana necklace:
neither apple nor orange —
y u so phallic?

--------------------------


ron weasley t-shirt:
the closest i've ever let
a man near my heart.

--------------------------


discontinued keds:
i carry them in my heart —
they carry my soles.

[Photo: Work It, Berk]

--------------------------


extremely striped pants:
let's run away together —
circus or prison?

--------------------------


coral marquise ring:
the classiest of them all —
lost in a bathroom.

--------------------------


ugliest sweater:
only a mother'd forgive
the gilt on your chest.

--------------------------


batman timepiece: it's
the watch my wrist deserves, but
not the one it needs

common denominators

SURPRISE! Here is a pop quiz.

QUESTIONS:

1. What is the common denominator?

• ¹⁄₂
• ³⁄₄
• ³⁄₈

2. What is the common denominator?

• "A Blessing" by James Wright
• "Araby" from Dubliners by James Joyce
• Genesis from the Bible
• The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

3. What is the common denominator?

• Lawrence Selden
• Robbie Turner
• Charlie Weasley
• Humbert Humbert
  

4. What is the common denominator?


ANSWER KEY:

1. 8
2. things that were required reading from high school but which I wholeheartedly recommend
3. male literary characters whom I would totally bone
4. boring outfits involving a pleated, polka-dotted skirt

Here are the rest of the photos:

First outfit, cardigan: courtesy of Christine. Velvet t-shirt: thrifted. Skirt: courtesy of Christine. Tights: BP Nordstrom. Saddle shoes: Payless. Bracelet: jump rings + washers, DIY necklace worn on wrist.

Second outfit, top: courtesy of Christine. Skirt: courtesy of Christine. Tights: BP Nordstrom. Black and white oxfords: Miz Mooz.

variations on a trench coat: i was perfect

This is a pretty boring outfit, so I started taking my clothes off in the hopes that it would get more interesting.

Trench coat: FoxRun, mother's. Gray sweatshirt: Target. Brown top: Apt 9 via Kohl's. Blue and white polka dotted pleated skirt: courtesy of Christine. Green leggings: American Apparel, courtesy of Christine. Rain boots: Hunter via Zappos.

It didn't really, but I did get an awkward between-poses photo that made me look like I was flapping my wings, which is why I call this variation on a trench coat...

Variation VII: I'M THE SWAN QUEEN!!!

Clearly the animation skills I acquired when learning how to make blinkies ~2004 are not adequate for my current GIF-making ambitions.

(Revisiting 2004: AHHHHHH YOU GUYS THESE ARE FROM WHEN I WAS ON GEOCITIES! I can't decide if these are awesome or awful. Probably both.

I don't know why, but I became obsessed with the phrase "My heart belongs to a secret agent" for a while.



And the phrase "decidedly pretty."



OKAY THIS IS ACTUALLY ADORABLE. I love me for loving Harry Potter.

This post has enhanced your life.)