SHOULD I WASH MY HAIR? a flowchart

FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT: This is legitimately how I decide if I should wash my hair or not.

Click to embiggen for easier reading.

(I just noticed I should've kept all the pronouns second-person. Ah, well.)

hair envy: deux

It's been nearly a year since I last expressed my hair envy, but even though my hair's twice as long as it was then, I definitely still feel like I'm lacking something. (Interest. My hair lacks any point of interest.) Here are a bunch of hair pictures I've been gathering just to rub it in.

Beginning with natural-looking hair that could be achieved by someone with a hair texture different from mine. This is Joanna Bernacka, here to make your hair feel inadequate.

The mussed-up volume! The soft waves! The lived-in-ness!

Rumi's head in double braids (how is this even possible?), because there's something appealingly alien about really tight braids, especially in unexpected places.

Feather hair extensions. Not my style, but I'd be lying if I said that seeing it on other people didn't inspire major hair envy in me. Now, before we move into unnatural hair color territory, I'd just like to take a moment (or thirty) to let my hair envy bubble and splutter at the injustice of NOT HAVING HAIR LIKE THESE LADIES:

Have I mentioned that I have major redhead envy? Because my name is Samantha, and I have major redhead envy.

Not sure what era this hair would fall under (1920s judging by the length and perhaps finger waves?), but this is perfect in at least 47 ways.

Life is not fair.

NOT FAIR. If I wore a giant fur coat in the same color family as my hair, I would just look like any all-black-wearing fashion editor, not a quirky ass-kicking artist.

This is Vanessa from My heart blogged. WHAT IS HER HAIR EVEN. LOOK AT THAT IMPOSSIBLE TEXTURE.

This is Amber from Forever Amber. She is 13 shades of redhead PERFECT.

Jane, from Sea of Shoes, of course, because her hair is (or at least should be) legendary. It should be celebrated or described in a non-historical or unverifiable story handed down by tradition from earlier times and popularly accepted as historical. [source, source]

Stop it. Just stop it. This color is unreal. Jane Aldridge is not a real person. She is a hair goddess sent to live on earth among us mortals.

I can feel my hair's self-esteem stumbling into the gutter in a haze of hairspray-ethyl-alcohol, gambling, and loose women.

Flawless hair is flawless. When you are done weeping over your inadequate hair, pick yourself up and dust yourself off, because there is hope, and its name is UNNATURAL COLORING:

This is Chanelle from Not So Naked. I know it's kind of late for dip dye hair, but I want it. In shades of violet, dark blue, and sea green, so that I can feel like a Creature of the Deep is swimming around my head.

Augh. Her color even fades well.

Then again, if I dyed my hair like this, it wouldn't look the same anyway. The texture would be much more Severus Snape Dipped In Oil Meets Ceramic Flat Iron than Careless, Carefree, Calculated Nonchalance.

The photo that started my fishtail braid curiosity.

And of course, peacock-colored hair. With little plastic hairclips that I probably wore without irony when I was four.

I don't think I could ever go this light without looking sickly, but be still, my beating heart! This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

wildly inappropriate:

This excuse for a shirt, through which it is obvious that I used a paperclip to turn my bra into a racerback.

Awful: how poorly-made this pretend-shirt is.

Aweful: how many bobby pins I managed to jam into my hair

Awesome: my sorry attempt to follow this tutorial from my edit (hence the bobby pin orgy), because it actually held really well for the whole day. I highly recommend this hairstyle. It takes like five minutes.

Above, jacket: mother's, The Limited. Lace shirt: curtain lace + sewing machine. Jeggings: Forever21. Boots: Steven by Steve Madden.

hair envy

I'd like to take a moment to acknowledge these things growing out of my scalp that I have put through so much crap these past two years. You're doing real good, kids. (That'll do, pig hair, that'll do.) I've decided that very short hair is not my thing, at least not for my early 20s (holy follicles, Batman, those are coming up soon), but long hair pulled off my face definitely is.

I'm still undecided on bangs of any kind, and I'm not sure if I like the idea of curling my hair on a regular basis, though I like the effect. And while I'm as attached to my virgin hair as I am to not having any pieces of metal passing through my flesh, I'm swooning over these:

Above, from the Oscar de la Renta Fall 2010 RTW show, via style.com. Curls! Volume! So old-school glamorous! So in rebellion with my natural hair texture!

Above, from Orchid Grey. "Big hair, small wallet" indeed. Again, in total contradiction with my natural hair texture!

Above, from Flying Saucer. UGH. SO MUCH HAIR ENVY. I have wanted Selina hair for as long as I've been aware her blog existed. Even though her hair routine seems like too much effort for me (as someone who once tried to cut my hair-washing down to once a week to save drying time), I think it's definitely something I want to be an option when I have time, which is just not possible with short hair.

Above, Frida Gustavsson from The Fashion Spot. Big hair! Texture! The schoolgirl-esque cross-tie and white button-down don't hurt either.

Above, Kristen Stewart. That lazy texture! Unf! Seriously, I have so much hair envy for this girl, even if all her critics make fun of how rarely she and RPattz wash their hair. I think now would be an appropriate time to quote Sarah Rees Brennan.

SNAPE: I don't want to carry out your plans anymore! And I find your interest in the students' love lives truly inappropriate!

DUMBLEDORE: Severus! Don't you know this is a critical period in their lives - if you don't find mutual true love by the time you're seventeen, you'll end up bitter and alone, weeping over your shattered dreams, only washing your hair on the anniversary of their deaths...

SNAPE: ...

DUMBLEDORE: Oh, right.

Above, another KStew. Girl has amazing hair.

Above, from Altamira. First of all, I love me some Frida Gustavsson and Karlie Kloss. Second of all, OH GOD, THEIR PERFECT HAIR. Karlie's is so very flawlessly "Oh, I washed my hair and it dried like this, naturally, AS THE EMBODIMENT OF CAREFREE PERFECTION," and Frida's has this whack, perfect combination of volume and texture going on. Plus I really like Frida's outfit.

Above, Raquel Zimmerman via dress design decor. Pretty sure my hair cannot be coaxed to look this voluminous without an entire can of hairspray, Lady Gaga's Coke-can curlers, and an anti-gravity device.

Above, Karla. Because even though I'm not trying for short hair now, she has epic short hair that deserves all those cliché fashion adjectives like CHIC and FIERCE and FEARLESS.

Above and below, Karen Elson via Fashion Gone Rogue. Featuring the "strong intelligent female protagonist who doesn't need a man" CURLY-WAVY RED hair I will never ever achieve without looking awkward.

Above and below, Frida Gustavsson yet again, at Christian Dior, via The Fashion Spot. I know, I know. There was probably a lot of really damaging backcombing and teasing that went on here to achieve that amount of frizz, but the total eccentric I-don't-give-a-fuck that this crazy messy hair and lone fishtail braid give off are, for some reason, really appealing to me right now.

Above, one more Frida for good luck.

Above, speaking of braids, this one's from Alice in Wardrobe Wonderland originally from JAK & JIL. It is KILLING me, even though (and maybe especially because) a braid that tight against the scalp seems really painful and a little bit sci-fi creature.

Above, from kari-shma. The only hair in this post that I can achieve with my natural hair texture and no products.

And with that, it's time for UNNATURAL HAIR COLORS I AM UNWILLING TO ACHIEVE BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE PUTTING STUFF IN MY HAIR BUT WHICH LOOK SO RIGHT!

[one, two, three four]

While the rest of the blogosphere was feeling the pastel streaks, I guess what I was really getting hooked on was peacock hair.

All right. That is all.

I still love you, hair. I promise. You are my one and only.