#radicalselflove

Instead of doing my cognitive science, computer science, math, or phonology homework, I worked on the Radical Self-Love homework Gala assigned. Here's the first page of my Radical Self-Love Bible, which I realize isn't all that self-love-y, and my Forever21 totem sitting on my untouched math homework:

Which is my way of telling myself I cannot be afraid of failing because I will always fail. Never failing would mean that I'm doing something boring. Something too easy. Something everyone else can do. Never failing means I am letting myself be mediocre.

And I can jump off the cliff because as "The Fountain of Fair Fortune" from The Tales of Beedle the Bard so wisely puts it, there is no magical fountain. A bird already has its wings; it just has to learn how to use them.

But while I am letting myself fail spectacularly, I am not allowed to downplay anything I have accomplished. Anything.

And I am choosing not to know exactly where I'm going.

So my totem is a two-finger bird ring (not recommended for programming sessions; very keyboard-unfriendly) that's supposed to remind me that my metaphorical wings already exist, even if I can't see them, and even if I'm not sure how I'm going to use them. I have to jump anyway, because as Lincoln put it, what am I waiting for? When the surface is calm and I can't fail? I'm not going to learn how to swim without the risk of drowning.

And I'm not going to accomplish anything worth accomplishing without the risk of failing.

So I fly.