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23 August 11

I was the official photographer at the opening of the Papergirl Vancouver art showcase at the Roundhouse. Please do check out the blog or look up the facebook page if you don't know what Papergirl is. Jeff and a cohort, Alix, got this started in Vancouver (Jeff later had to step aside as coordinator due to other obligations but stayed on as a volunteer) and by the time of the showing they had over 500 pieces of art donated to give away! Pretty amazing stuff.

You can see a few more photos from the event here and here.

Giveaway! "Blood Rights" by Kristen Painter

Courtesy of Orbit Books I have a copy of Blood Rights by Kristen Painter to offer for giveaway.



Born into a life of secrets and service, Chrysabelle's body bears the telltale marks of a comarré -- a special race of humans bred to feed vampire nobility. When her patron is murdered, she becomes the prime suspect, which sends her running into the mortal world...and into the arms of Malkolm, an outcast vampire cursed to kill every being from whom he drinks.



Now, Chrysabelle and Malkolm must work together to stop a plot to merge the mortal and supernatural worlds. If they fail, a chaos unlike anything anyone has ever seen will threaten to reign.



Just add your information to the form below to enter (all information is guaranteed confidential and will be discarded once contest ends) and I will randomly pick one winner by Wednesday September 28th. No multiple entries please-- all multiple entries will be discarded. Open everywhere.



Good luck!



**Contest Closed**

Waiting on Wednesday

This blog meme is hosted by Jill over at Breaking the Spine



My Waiting on Wednesday selection is: Fate's Edge by Ilona Andrews (I LOVE this series)

Publication Date: Nov 29, 2011

384 pages

Ace Books



Audrey Callahan left behind her life in the Edge, and she's determined to stay on the straight and narrow. But when her brother gets into hot water, the former thief takes on one last heist and finds herself matching wits with a jack of all trades...



Kaldar Mar-a gambler, lawyer, thief, and spy-expects his latest assignment tracking down a stolen item to be a piece of cake, until Audrey shows up. But when the item falls into the hands of a lethal criminal, Kaldar realizes that in order to finish the job, he's going to need Audrey's help...

22 August 11

Another workplace hipstamatic shot.

21 August 11

Book Review: "Awakenings" by Edward Lazellari

You might think, by looking at the cover, that Awakenings by Edward Lazellari is your standard paranormal fiction. But I was reminded of more traditional fantasy, in the vein of Terry Brooks in a modern setting, rather than something by Jim Butcher.



Cal McDonnell is a NY city cop who has no memory of his life prior to thirteen years ago. Despite his retrograde amnesia he has managed to carve out a meaningful life for himself that includes his job and a beautiful wife and daughter. Seth Raincrest also has no memory before thirteen years ago, but he hasn't had the same success in rebuilding his life. He ekes out a living as an amateur pornographer without forging any lasting relationships with anyone but his cat. But Seth and Cal share a past that is rapidly catching up with them as dangerous, and magic wielding, enemies from their former lives have found them and plan to attack before they can regain their memories.



Thirteen-year-old Daniel Hauer is the adopted child of Clyde and Rita and to say he grows up in an unhappy home is an understatement. Clyde is a mean drunk who resents being Daniel's stepfather and looks for any excuse to take it out on Daniel physically. But what neither Daniel or his parents know about is his noble heritage; one that ties him to Cal and Seth. But the same people that are hunting the others are now on Daniel's trail, and the people who want to keep him safe don't have any idea where he is-- or what name he goes by.



Edward Lazellari has a deft writing style which makes "Awakenings" a very absorbing book right from the start. Throw away characters are given a distinct personality in a just a few lines and the mystery surrounding Cal and Seth's amnesia certainly keeps you turning the pages. However there isn't a lot of mystery-solving that goes on as the story progresses. We do find where Seth and Cal come from and why they have amnesia, but much more time is spent on the set-up of the story that the reader is left with the feeling that they should know so much more.



"Awakenings" is also busy book, in part because there are at least five disparate story-lines that all connect at various points along the way. That alone wouldn't make "Awakenings" a confusing book, but throw in several interconnecting dimensions of varying magical and scientific resonance and some haphazard political machinations, and you have a book that can confound the most astute reader.



First, you have the p.o.v. of the three main characters, Cal, Seth and Danny, who are tied together by a mysterious past that is only partly explained throughout the book. Then you have the bad guys, led by the somewhat stereotypical Dorn who believes that a strong leader only uses fear as motivation. Then you have the good guys as initially represented by Lelani, a mysterious sorceress who tries to reach Cal and Seth before Dorn and his dangerous minions launch their attack. Adding to the various perspectives presented in the book are Cal's wife and a private detective hired to find Cal, Seth and Danny. It's amazing the book isn't more confusing than it is.



But if I had to pick the one thing that may have ruined the book for me, it's the fact that one of my literary deal breakers reared its ugly head several times in the book in the form of some politically slanted content. If I had to guess I'd say Lazellari is a very liberal guy. The first thing that jumped out at me was the fact that Cal's wife Cat seems somewhat fixated on her feminist values. Every time she muses on any situation that arises-- whether it's a crisis or not-- she definitely worries that her place in the world as a feminist is assured. Whether she goes back to work or ends up in the magical world Cal comes from-- she wants it known she's a feminist. And I have to say that, from my point of view, that even the most die-hard feminist isn't going to worry about such things when they're faced with life-altering problems: So it's not only unrealistic, but tiring. And heaven forbid you're a (gasp!) republican. Maybe it's me, but I find it strange to see more than one random comment regarding republicans pop-up in fantasy fiction: You'd think republicans don't read fantasy or something. Add to that a chapter that seems necessary only to insert some stereotypical slams against fundamentalist Christianity and you've come pretty close to a book that resembles Stephen King's recent work.



Another minor quibble I had with "Awakenings" was the issue of certain credibility gaps. For example, I'm pretty sure a four-hundred pound centaur isn't going to fit into the back of a Ford Explorer (with three or four other passengers). Maybe I'm just being petty, but I couldn't let that one go. Nor do I think the same centaur could get around a New York City apartment without knocking over a lot of furniture.



Despite the presence of some content that might normally make me walk away from a book, I finished "Awakenings" because the slant wasn't overwhelming and I wanted to see where the story was going-- so I have to say that Lazellari does a good job of keeping the reader interested. And I have to give credit to some really good writing when it comes to the action sequences. I thought the fight scenes were absolutely captivating. But in terms of payoff, there really isn't one where this book is concerned. Some of the back-story is sorted out but mostly the book reads like 350 pages of plot set-up. I really feel that the story could have been condensed into 200 pages, which would have allowed the narrative to progress more and prevent the feeling that you're only just getting to the meat of the story as the book ends.



The impression I was left with after finishing "Awakenings" was that Lazellari is a good writer who might benefit by toning down the politics, which might allow him to move the story more. Regardless of your political affiliation, it's distracting to have a story take unnecessary detours. To me it seemed as if he was pleasing himself by injecting some bias rather than writing to the story, and the book suffered for it.



3 out of 5 stars.

"The Hunger Games" Teaser Trailer

Yeah, I'm geeking out.

Book Review: Heaven's Shadow by David S. Goyer and Michael Cassutt

When a Near-Earth Object – designated Keanu – comes closer and closer to the planet, esteemed astronaut Zachary Stewart is given the job of commanding a mission to the mysterious object. Little do we humans know, however, that Keanu is much more than what it appears.

Before receiving a copy of Heaven’s Shadow solely for the sake of reviewing it, I had never actually heard of the novel prior to picking it out of a list of books I could choose from. There were many contenders, all dueling to the death to decide which one would be the winner. Rain poured dramatically from the sky as combatants fought with endless vigor…

… okay, I’ll stop now. No, it wasn’t that sensational, but with Heaven’s Shadow looking like the most interesting one out of the whole bunch, I decided to give this science fiction novel a go – and boy, did I make the right decision. Even if you may not be hearing much about it, this novel is a must read for any sci-fi fan wanting something new to add to their bookshelves. But maybe I should explain a bit more.

Also, before I get on to the actual review, I’ll get this joke out of the way: Keanu. Near-Earth Object = NEO. Woah.

Anyway.

Something that immediately jumped out at me as I read Heaven’s Shadow is how well characters are fleshed out, being portrayed with very human emotions. This may seem like something that’s fairly minor since decent characters are usually easy enough to come by, but come on; any fellow bookworm knows that for every one good author (or, well, “authors” in this case) who writes satisfying characters, there are ten Stephanie Meyers that come out of the woodwork. Let me make it clear, however, that by saying that I definitely don’t mean that all of the characters in the book are super enjoyable. No, some characters were annoying enough that sometimes, my desire to slap them was overpowering. But this was also mostly because people could sometimes be extremely bitchy or panicked, and this fact, in a way, makes the way characters are written even better. Because let’s face it, in the situation in the novel, who wouldn’t be on edge enough that they wouldn’t be in either of those mindsets? I somehow think that an alien starship coming into the Earth’s atmosphere and causing the death of some of our astronauts would make everyone just a little freaked out. Or, well. Except someone like… like… Samuel L. Jackson (what? When I think cool, I think Mace Windu!). Because he’s way too badass to be scared by monkey fighting aliens on this Monday to Friday starship.

But I digress. Very much so actually. Let’s move on.

Heaven’s Shadow throws surprise after surprise at you, even starting from practically the very beginning. It leaves you consistently wondering how the characters will get out of certain situations or just plain wanting to know what will come next since seemingly any character can die at any point. This offers a nice unpredictability to the mix, with things not always turning out how you would anticipate.

This does bring me to one point, though, that isn’t positive, but… not quite negative? Funny, maybe? Yeah, we’ll go with that. You know how, in the official blurb for Heaven’s Shadow, we find out that the aliens are in desperate need of the humans’ help with something? Well, guess what – we don’t find that “twist” out until near the very end of the novel, with up until then the authors building up suspense about what exactly the aliens do want with humans. See the problem here? The blurb spoiled the entire big surprise at the end, making it the only twist the readers can guess very easily (hell, you don’t even need to guess, it’s told to you from the very beginning!. Guys… just, guys. Come on. I’m not blaming the authors here – I can only imagine what you poor guys felt like when you saw that the jacket blurb pretty much ruined the ending – so I’ll direct this to whoever wrote that; if you’re good enough to be writing blurbs for a novel that at least a fair amount of people have/will read, you’re better than this. Seriously.

As far as the basic story goes, there really isn’t much I can say about it; it’s solid, if a bit generic, and I found that it pretty much always made sense (somehow, though, no one ever seemed to find the whole “aliens” thing surprising… That’s some damn good NASA training). It doesn’t exactly offer anything new to the table when it comes to alien plots, but it served its purpose well, and with the consistent twists and turns I’ve mentioned, that was enough to keep it exciting.

The writing was also a pretty high point of Heaven’s Shadow; it all flowed very smoothly, instantly drawing you in with the mood it set. Goyer and Cassutt definitely didn’t glaze over details that were even only a little important – everything, from peoples’ reactions and expressions to descriptions of the settings and environments, was covered very well.

I’m not sure out of the two authors – David S. Goyer and Michael Cassutt – which one did more of the work on Heaven’s Shadow (I’ll just assume for now that it was 50/50) but either way, a great job was done on this novel, with the solid story (even if that aspect was probably the weakest considering how generic it was), realistic characters and writing that had an unmistakeable flow to it. The worst part of this all? That the sequel doesn’t come out until July of next year (at least that’s before the end of the world though. *sigh of relief*). There may be plenty of other books out there with similar general stories, but that definitely shouldn’t prevent you from picking up Heaven’s Shadow for the other great little details.

You can see more of guest reviewer Opal Skoien's content at www.MiBreviews.com.

20 August 11

Saturday morning I went with Steph, Sarah, and Onur to vegan brunch at Mal & Kaylie's. Afterwards I met up with Amanda for a few hours at the beach, where we swam a bit and shared a pot cookie, which turned out to be much stronger than either of us was expecting. It was a lot of work to operate my body for a few hours, during which I had to climb 400 stairs and take three different forms of transit home. Then I had a nap and Jeff gave me some watermelon to eat, and after that we played board games with Iain, Steph, Jesse & Krystyna. I went to bed relatively early for a Saturday.

19 August 11

Jeff and I went for dinner and drinks in Gastown, and decided to check out Pivo. We had no idea it was their anniversary party, but we got the last empty table and and ordered a beer and some food. And then soon afterwards the server came by with free drink tickets, and then they served up a whole bunch of free appetizers! Even though we'd already eaten, we managed to find room for some homemade potato chips and pulled pork flatbread. We went home nicely sauced and very full, and only spent like $35.

18 August 11

a workplace self-portrait.

17 August 11

Book Review: Leviathans of Jupiter by Ben Bova

The best laid plans and all that. As I had previously mentioned, I was planning on reading Dreadnaught (check), Nights of Villjamur, The Quantum Thief, and then something else as my goal for the summer. Unfortunately it didn’t quite work out that way. I wasn’t really getting into Nights of Villjamur, though it’s a book that went back into my reading pile – I’d like to revisit it when I’m more in the mood for a fantasy. I didn’t enjoy the writing of The Quantum Thief at all; I only made it through the first chapter or so before putting it down. That’s no offense to the author or the book, it just wasn’t my cup of tea. I then tried The Dervish House and discovered much the same about that author.

When I have 3 books in a row that aren’t working for me, I often find that’s when I go back to an author I know I enjoy – which is how I found myself reading Ben Bova’s Leviathans of Jupiter. Ben Bova over the past decade (and more as he ties in earlier works of his) has been creating a near-future history of our solar system, a fairly realistic look at how humans might explore the planets and the technological advances we might make over the next 100 years. Most of the books in this series are named after particular planets, and in this case we’ve got a semi-sequel to my favorite Ben Bova book, Jupiter.

In Jupiter, which takes place approximately 20 years before Leviathans of Jupiter, human explorers discover giant whale-like creatures living beneath the waves of the planetary ocean which covers the surface of the planet. But because the trip is so risky (due to the extreme pressure created by the giant world) and the fact that it cost some of those prior explorers their lives, humans have not tried to make contact again. But Grant Archer, one of the original explorers and now Chief of the Space Station in orbit around Jupiter, believes that the Leviathans are intelligent – because one of the creatures helped their exploration craft escape the gravity of the planet. Now he has arranged it so that a new prototype craft has been built in secret around Jupiter, and he plans to send a new crew back to make meaningful contact with the Leviathans and prove they are intelligent.

Among the crew going on this adventure is a cyborg trying to atone for the crimes he committed during the Asteroid Wars, when he was responsible for killing hundreds when destroying a space station. There’s also the spacecraft’s designer, who will find a connection with the mission controller as they both see the ship as their baby. Finally there are two scientists, one who has spent his life trying to develop meaningful communication with Dolphins, and one who has studied how micro-organisms behave – a gamble which Grant believes will pay off because he thinks these giant creatures biology behaves the same way as that tiniest of Earth life.

But along with the crew’s arrival comes a representative from the Earth’s scientific advisory board, and she has a personal grudge against Grant, whom she blames for her sister’s death all those years ago. She will do anything she can to keep him from killing more scientists, even if she has to kill a few herself to ensure that no one else suffers the same fate.

While Leviathans of Jupiter may not be as strong a book as the original Jupiter, that’s not really a fair comparison as I’ve mentioned it’s my favorite Ben Bova book. Because we (the reader) already know that the Leviathans exist (as opposed to wondering if the human explorers would actually discover them in the first book), it takes away some of the excitement and at times feels a little like treading water. But Bova wisely spends a large section of the book just allowing the reader to get to know this new crew – so that when they finally do descend into Jupiter’s Ocean, you are very attached to them and have a stronger connection to their mission and what it means to each one of them.

I’ve mentioned in the past that Bova sometimes falls into the trap of making a psudeo-conservative religious conglomerate into the “bad guys” in these books, them having taken over most of the governments back on Earth – fortunately, he has stepped away from that here. It becomes a much more personal conflict by relating it to the prior mission, and more believable coming from a woman who has political ambitions and is afraid of the power Grant Archer might be able to wield should his mission succeed.

Grant is one of Bova’s most fascinating characters, as a man of science and a believer in God, and it was nice in this book not to have him in some crisis of faith because he’s not trying to dispute belief because of the existence of other life in the universe. There is no conflict in him about science coexisting alongside faith, and by playing that down it actually works to the benefit of both the character and the author – there is no need for conflict and it makes him seem more reasonable, more human, than anyone taking a more extreme view of one side or the other.

There may be better books to get started in Ben Bova’s Grand Tour series, but each book can really be read in any order, as they’ve been written out of sequence with books taking place all over the timeline (though I believe Leviathans of Jupiter may be the farthest out in the future so far in the series). That said it’s a great book, full of memorable characters (I’ve focused on Grant Archer in the review, but each of the crewmembers are as fully developed and make you enjoy the time you spend reading about them) and good old fashioned swashbuckling space adventures. Ben Bova has a particular style that I enjoy, a combination of the old-school Flash Gordon/Buck Rogers type of stories combined with the realism of near-future space exploration, like something NASA is just on the cusp of being able to do. If that kind of combination sounds appealing to you, I’d highly recommend picking up any of Ben Bova’s books, including Leviathans of Jupiter.

a haul post & iron deficiency

My laptop is alive but my hands are in a stupid sort of pain.



School starts soon. (When this is published, it'll start in about 3 hours.) I'm slightly more excited about this than I was a week ago, because I just found out the Harry Potter class (2 units, P/NP) is still on this year.



Here's a bunch of my aunt's and cousins' old stuff I claimed for myself while helping them organize a garage sale in June.

A butterfly brooch and a ring that was probably from a machine at the supermarket.



An Aladdin pencil pouch, because I've been looking for a replacement one for a while, because I like my pencil pouches transparent.



A Belle Rose bag. (My second one. The first one, I thrifted.)



A dress. This, like a lot of the things I decided to purloin, is a bit small in the waist because my aunt, like my mother, didn't actually break 110 pounds until after pregnancy. They both had very small (possibly so small they were only theoretical) waists. I am not nearly so small.



A pink sweater. Because I don't own enough pink. And I like giant sweaters. (Side note: while helping my aunt sort out her clothes for garage sale-ing, I had to start an Ugly Sweater pile (because they were too menny), which ended up filling up maybe two check-in-sized suitcases.)



This Gloria Vanderbilt button-down which fits like a dream and is sweat-stained like a newly pubescent teenage boy's PE uniform. I'm not sure what to do with it - I was thinking about dyeing it, but I don't know how much it'd change the design.



Another dress, also sweat-stained to kingdom come, although less noticeably so because of the intense floral pattern. I think this is probably some disagreeable synthetic, though, so I'll probably end up layering it instead of wearing it in warm weather anyway.



ONE ANIMAL PRINT SHIRT TO RULE THEM ALL. This is not just leopard (or cheetah? I cannot be bovvered to Google it) print; it's leopard (or cheetah) print INTERSPERSED WITH ACTUAL GIRAFFES AND ZEBRAS (as opposed to interspersed with giraffe and zebra print). I don't normally condone animal print in my wardrobe, but this is the lone exception because it is absolutely ridiculous.



High-waisted, light-wash denim shorts.



STRIPED DENIM SHORTS. I wore these every other day for three weeks immediately after acquiring them.



My cousin tells me this is something she used to wear under her dresses (like a slip, I guess), but I plan on wearing it as a risque (insert Pokemon e) dress.

A sleeveless collared shirt, because I have a weakness for them almost as bad as my weakness for pussy bows.

And another.

WHAT IS OBVIOUSLY THE GREATEST T-SHIRT IN ALL OF EXISTENCE. A Space Jam t-shirt, because my brother and I probably watched it more than a hundred times. (And Mulan. We watched Mulan so many times I lost count.)



AHAHA this is a terrible wildlife/art/mail-order t-shirt or something, and I love it.



My cousin's very small sweatshirt that I am determined to cram my upper body into.



And some wool skirts and a pair of pants (non-denim pants!), because I can't resist a good plaid.

Now I know this is going to say "I write stuff after the jump" but today's bit is more like "I throw up a little after the jump."



I write stuff after the jump.

16 August 11

Waiting on Wednesday

This is a meme hosted by Jill over at Breaking the Spine



This weeks Waiting on Wednesday selection is:



The Hum and the Shiver by Alex Bledsoe

Tor Books

304 pages

September 27, 2011



No one knows where the Tufa came from, or how they ended up in the mountains of East Tennessee. When the first Europeans came to the Smoky Mountains, the Tufa were already there. Dark-haired and enigmatic, they live quietly in the hills and valleys of Cloud County, their origins lost to history. But there are clues in their music, hidden in the songs they have passed down for generations. . . .



Private Bronwyn Hyatt, a true daughter of the Tufa, has returned from Iraq, wounded in body and spirit, but her troubles are far from over. Cryptic omens warn of impending tragedy, while a restless “haint” has followed her home from the war. Worse yet, Bronwyn has lost touch with herself and with the music that was once a part of her. With death stalking her family, will she ever again join in the song of her people, and let it lift her onto the night winds?

15 August 11

After work I met up with Iain, Steph, Jeff, and Jesse (and briefly J.J.) at the New Oxford pub in Yaletown. We ate some food, we drank some wine & beer, Steph and Iain had some pointless arguments, you know how it goes. Good times.

"The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein

Some books walk the line between fantasy and reality. I think stories told from the point of view of a dog fit into this category because, until we find a way to read minds, we have to imagine what goes on behind the soulful eyes of mans -best-friend. My most treasured book when I was little was 101 Dalmations by Dodie Smith; I carried that book with my everywhere. I can remember, before the days of seat-belt laws, being ensconced in the very back of our station wagon with a pillow, blanket and my beloved book all settled in for a long road trip. That story was magic to me long before I ever grew to love the Disney version.



So when my book club chose Garth Stein's The Art of Racing in the Rain as this month's selection I was interested, but ambivalent, about a grown-up story told from a dog's point of view.



Enzo is a lab/terrier mix who becomes the beloved pet of Denny, an aspiring race-car driver. Enzo is the audience's window into Denny's life from bachelorhood, to marriage and the unfortunate illness of his wife. As Denny's circumstances spin further out of control, Enzo is always there to offer quiet encouragement and the occasional well-placed "accident."



Enzo's greatest wish is to be human and he frequently laments his lack of opposable thumbs. His philosophy on life is based a great deal on racing, having spent hours watching racing videos with Denny, and the old racing rule-- that we go where our eyes go-- figures a lot into Enzo's view of the world. He's an old soul, well educated from watching lots of television, and has a keen insight into the world around him. He's so human that he's sure he's ready to come back in the next life as a human being.



As you'd expect "The Art of Racing in the Rain" is a sweet, charming book. Having a dog as a main character, as long at it's written with some skill, is as close to a sure-fire method to having a likable main character as you could possibly get. And Enzo is endearing no matter what he does because his motives are so pure and unencumbered by matters outside his family. He's a dog so his focus is predictably narrow and uncomplicated. The method of using a dog as a narrator is fun from the aspect of seeing the world through the eyes of an animal that has quite a bit of access to the lives of those he observes. He drifts in-and-out of conversations and picks up information that would be very useful to the people he loves-- if only he could manipulate his long, slippery tongue around the words he so desperately wants to say.



But the book falters when the story goes from Enzo's pontificating and dwells on the ups-and-downs of Denny's personal life. And here's where I throw in a few spoilers. For a race-car driver, Denny is a really passive guy. There are things that happen outside of Denny's control, like that of his wife's illness; but Denny doesn't make her go to the doctor, even when she is incapacitated by pain. When she dies and her parent's hatch a plan to take Denny's daughter, he doesn't see it coming even though it's starkly evident. And that's pretty much the pattern for the whole book: Bad things happen while Denny seems clueless as to what's going on. I didn't even like Denny for the first half of the book.



I understand that the whole book is written as a metaphor for a race. The mantra you go where your eyes go is repeated frequently and Enzo speaks often of Denny's determination and faith that he will never quit until the race is finished. But the circumstances that are thrown at Denny to make the long-haul of the endurance race necessary (as a metaphor) seem contrived. I've been known in the past to say that a story lacks tension because the solutions are too conveniently found, but in this case the problems are too predictable and too easily avoided to be convincing. And the result of such a rote, by-the-book story is that we're never surprised by anything.



It could be that I'm not the kind of person who should be reading "The Art of Racing in the Rain." Maybe my early years of infatuation with "101 Dalmatians" has left me with a desire for whimsy that can't be presented in a book that deals with cancer, accusations of sexual misconduct, death and grief. My expectations of what a doggy narrator means to a book were definitely confounded by this book. That isn't to say it isn't a good book, though I don't think it lives up to the hype. I think the problem, for me, is that "The Art of Racing in the Rain" is still too Oprah Book Club for my taste.



3 out of 5 stars.

14 August 11

Actually all I did was run errands so I really don't know why I was wearing this outfit.

Movie Review: Blade: Trinity (2004)

But everyone knows the movies are full of crap. The truth is, it started with Blade, and ended with him,” the Narrator says as Blade: Trinity opens. “The rest of us were just along for the ride.” This can’t be more true. Why the hell are all these other imbeciles in this movie?

What would you think if you watched a movie start out with the need to introduce a strobe effect into a situation that could never possibly have a strobe as the opening scene of the movie? If you thought that they were out of tricks before the movie even started, you’d be right. Blade: Trinity wants to grow up to be Blade but it’s just not there yet.

That’s really all there is to say: a poor rehash of the original, with new names and famous faces such as Triple H, Jessica Biel and Patton Oswalt. You’ve got the dumb, muscle guy a la Quinn played by Triple H, the relatively genius leader with extra immunities like La Magra and Nomak, and you’ve got the vampire bitch, who is actually incredibly psychotic and possibly a hermaphrodite. There you go, it’s got all the markings of a Blade movie. Except for a plot, direction, and a half-assed love interest.

In fact, you can even judge this one by its cover: Blade, Abigail and Hannibal just scream “generic action sequel”. That’s really all it is. What’s unique about this movie? The sexually ambiguous comic relief third main character? The way the “perfect” Dracula feels the need to imitate Frost and throw a helpless baby in the air to escape Blade? It certainly wasn’t the fact that every time someone was told “no one’s gonna help you now”, the cavalry showed up. Wait, I figured it out: it’s the fact that there was sunlight in a vampire interrogation room!

The film starts off with a prologue in which Triple H and Parker Posey, two of the new vampire leaders, among others, are acting way over the top as ignorant thugs as they enter a pyramid in Iraq. They find traces of a body, which proceeds to reach through the ground and pull the tech guy’s face off. Naturally, the headless tech guy promptly explodes.

Cue pointless strobe effect.

Right off the bat we can tell that the effects and at least some of the action here are shot for shot on par with the original. It’s still the opening credits, of course, but so far it gives a positive indication of what’s to come. We learn that Blade is being set up, but in the process we learn something even more important: [*censored for SFW version*]! That’s right, Blade: Trinity has Tourette’s Syndrome. Every scene that is intended to be dramatic, comedic, or just there, somebody needs to swear at the top of their lungs. Although I have to agree with the familiar that spouts, “Why aren’t you smarter… DUMB S***!” because that really applies to anybody who’s watching this movie.

While we are discussing the swearing, let’s talk about how EXTREME this movie is. Blade: Trinity is like a 90s movie made in the 2000s. That means that not only must everything be over-the-top, balls-to-the-wall, “kill ‘em all let God sort ‘em out”, but it also must be offensive to black people (and those aware of black people), and swear at the top of its lungs at all times. Perhaps these are the “improvements” made in the Unrated version, in which case, they weren’t needed.

The acting is all over the place. Wesley Snipes comes off as a griping old man, complaining about things like “look at the way you’re dressed”, despite berating Whistler for being an old man who worries too much earlier on. Kris Kristoffserofsf… Whistler himself stumbles over his lines at times, almost as if he’s not sure what to make of the script. The series is obviously past its prime, giving true meaning to the film’s tagline, “Where it began so shall it end.” This film should have ended where it began, too.

The newcomers range from Triple H, to Jessica Biel, to Patton Oswalt. They were really going all over the place to bring in a hip, young crowd to watch this movie. Triple H’s performance is ridiculous and laughable on its own, but when you add in the way Ryan Reynolds (with no super strength or anything like that, by the way) wrestles him into submission… this really was not a good career move for him. Jessica Biel is dressed decidedly boyish for the vast majority of the film, and this has to be the only unrated movie in all of history to include Biel in a shower scene and not show any more skin than any other movie would show while she was fully dressed.

As for Patton Oswalt, you can’t help but feel sorry for him watching his scenes. I can just imagine how it went:

“Hey, Patton, you want to be in the next Blade movie?”
“Yeah, sure, that sounds like it kicks ass. Of course I want in on that!”
“Okay, here’s the script.”
“Um… I thought I was the standup comic here.”
“Just read the lines.”
“Um… okay…”

He really looks like he is trying his best to make garbage sound like roses. Of course, he fails horribly at it, but you can see he’s trying. The other leads, Ryan Reynolds as Hannibal King and Parker Posey as Danica Talos, are both primarily comedy relief. Honestly… the movie could have gone without both of them. Actually, the movie could have done without the vast majority of characters. Really, the movie would have been far better if they couldn’t find a cast… wishful thinking…

I almost forgot the villain, Dracula. Sorry, “Drake”. Drake is what you would get if you mixed a Yautja from the Predator films, Darth Maul, and Twilight together. He wears tight pants and shows more cleavage than every female character in this film put together, including that cashier from the Hot Topic knock-off (that scene, by the way, apparently exists only because there’s not enough footage of Drake doing anything remotely intimidating in the rest of the film).

Drake is something else. Or rather, he’s not. Like the first film, we’re faced with such a credible villain that he needs to use a hostage, an infant thrown into the air, to get away from Blade, despite all his talk about respecting honor. This might make sense for the average villain, but this guy is being built up as the most dangerous thing since the Big Bang. Not to mention that one of the most common symbols to be found in the modern day, the cross, hurts Drake, and apparently only Drake… except when he is the one wearing it. Dracula is, in fact, a little girl.

Speaking of which, this film is riddled with sexual commentary, without any of the “hot” sexual scenes of the first (although there is an orgasm in mid-feed). Not only do vaginal dentata earn a referential appearance, but sexual jokes (you know, like when the eleven year old you called the kid on the other side of the bus “gay”, with about the same level of comebacks) seem to be about the maturity level here. It is strongly implied that Danica has a penis, but if she does, it seems to be a rather small one, as she declares herself to be suffering from penis envy. Doctor Vance asks Blade if drinking blood gets him sexually aroused, to which Blade should have responded “only if it’s my mother’s”. Drinking his serum, in fact, does not arouse him, as a close-up on Blade’s crotch shows us.

When we’re not making dick jokes, the tone of the movie is set by slow motion and strobe effects. Matrix ripoffs are not infrequent, and just like the Matrix, anybody who sees a vigilante in shades shooting up a street and appears to honestly believe him to be a sociopath (which, of course, Blade actually is) is actually connected to vampires. Because, you know, nobody in their right mind would see a man walking around shooting people while raving about vampires and think “maybe somebody should stop that…”

To sum it all up… no. If you watched Blade, you’ve watched Blade: Trinity, without having to go through the embarrassment that is Blade: Trinity. It barely pretends to be a movie. I guess it wasn't until the Batman films that Goyer learned to do something other than write the same movie over again.

The Man in Black is a regular reviewer at Fantasy & SciFi Lovin' News & Reviews. More of his content can be found at Man in Black Reviews.

13 August 11

In the afternoon I met up with Iain in Maple Ridge to hang out with my sisters at Breastfest, an annual music & art festival to raise money for breast cancer research (Chad, above, is the mastermind behind all of this). We saw some good bands and ate some sandwiches, and then I took the bus back to Coquitlam where Jeff picked me up to go to Chris Verral's birthday party. It was a delightful time full of free beer and delicious bbq and homemade donuts.

12 August 11

Malloreigh with a corsage snap bracelet, given to her as a birthday gift. We celebrated with a picnic in Crab Park, involving copious amounts of food and some beer & wine & Fireball. There was frisbee, and nail painting, and wrestling, and random wet dogs that came up to check out the food and lick our faces. A lovely evening.

New Photos From the Set of "The Avengers"

Now we just need some shots of Tony Stark!

"Underworld: Awakening" Trailer

Ooooh. I'm ready for an "Underworld" marathon.

Giveaway! "Shadow Kin" by M.J. Scott

*Quick Note About Giveaways* I haven't been as diligent about posting the winners of the blog giveaways as I should. But I do keep up on picking winners and sending off books. If you win a book, you will receive an email and the book should arrive in the mail shortly thereafter.





Who doesn't love discovering new authors? I know I do. So I'm happy to have the opportunity, courtesy of Penguin Books, to offer the first book in a new series for giveaway.

Shadow Kin by M.J. Scott



On one side, the Night World, rules by the Blood Lords and the Beast Kind. On the other, the elusive Fae and the humans, protected by their steadfast mages...

Born a wraith, Lily is a shadow who slips between worlds. Brought up by a Blood Lord and raised to be his assassin, she is little more than a slave. But when Lily meets her match in target Simon DuCaine, the unlikely bond that develops between them threatens to disrupt an already stretched peace in a city on the verge of being torn apart...



Just add your information to the form below to enter (all information is guaranteed confidential and will be discarded once contest ends) and I will randomly pick one winner by Tuesday, September 6th. No multiple entries please-- all multiple entries will be discarded. Open everywhere.



Good luck!



**Contest Closed**

11 August 11

Sarah's friend Cameron was home visiting from Japan, and he came over for dinner (and wine). I helped her cook this up: stir-fried veggies & tofu with miso-tahini sauce, on top of brown rice.

Presenting... My Line!

Yay!! I got the OK to share some of my shoes from the Cece L'amour line :)

I know my posts have been super spread out but I'm just in such a funk right now. Again, I'm so sorry and I will get back to it soon. We have fashion week coming up and I'll be in New York for the whole month of September to "get away" so I'm looking forward to sharing that journey with you guys!

So here are some of my favorites. I named the shoes after my girl friends because without them I don't know who I'd be...

Christie (my fake twin/talented hair master... check her out)

Juls

3 Colors

Miche

Heidi

Tanisha

Wendy (shout out to WendyB)

Nicole

Katie (my amazing sister)

Jess (my oldest friend and favorite shoe designer)

love the colors!

Jane (shout out to Sea of Shoes)

Brigitte (I have flats in my line, can you believe it!)

Skully (check out her veils!)

in suedes and leather

Leah (my very talented bff. Photography/Makeup)

I heart printed fabrics!

Candy

Arlene (my biggest supporter)

Connie (my grandma)

There are lots more but I just wanted to give you a general idea of the line. Super girly, feminine and flirty... just how a girl should be ;)
I hope you like!






xox,